OSCARS.

So Sunday's Oscars were the best night of my life. "What's the second best night of your life?" you ask. LAST YEAR'S OSCARS. I know a lot of people enjoy being like "Omg the Oscars are so long and boring and Hugh Jackman was stupid and blah blah blah blah blah." Well SHAME ON YOUR NEGATIVITY. The Oscars are perfect in every way. It was a magical event and everyone gave wonderful speeches and I enjoyed Hugh and his musical numbers. No complaints, except for the one I always make, that it was TOO SHORT. Now I have to wait another whole freaking year. 

My New Reason For Existence.

So, I have a new project. BECOME LIFETIME BEST FRIENDS WITH MICHEL GONDRY.  So as you guys know, I have always loved him (refer to earlier posts). AND NOW I am going to meet him at a talk about the science of sleep, and I will catch his eye, and then he will make a bunch of wonderful new movies because I will be his muse, and I will help him on the audio commentaries of his movies, and together we will solve rubik's cubes with our feet, and he will take me to versailles, and we will NEVER ERASE OUR MEMORIES OF EACH OTHER!

Your Nightly Lolcat

Don't cry, Edward Cullen cat. Everyone loves your sparkles. 

Boost Your Indie Cred/Humanitarianism By Telling Everyone You Know About This CD

So this is by no stretch a music blog, but I just want to tell you guys about this wonderful new CD (in stores now). Dark Was The Night is a compilation of all these new songs by indie artists, like Feist and Iron & Wine and Andrew Bird. It is pretty fantastic, and at first I just illegally downloaded it (shameful, I know) but then I was overwhelmed with guilt, because all of the proceeds go to a charity to raise funds and awareness for HIV and AIDS. I didn't want anyone thinking I supported AIDS (even though I refuse to wear an AIDS ribbon), so I purchased it. So the albatross fell from my neck, and a weight was lifted. So buy it unless you want to suffer from spirit-breaking guilt. On a related note, did anyone see that episode of The Colbert Report when Stephen wore Feist's blue sequined jumpsuit? It was AHMAZING. 

DREAMS DO COME TRUE!!

So today I learned of something that has absolutely reinforced my love for the world and my complete and utter joy. Michel Gondry directed an episode of Flight of the Conchords. And I am just as insanely pumped as stuff white people like predicted I would be: evidence part one and two. Now I know some of you are thinking "Um, Andrea, that episode premiered last night. WAY TO BE AN UNINFORMED BLOGGER." Well, I do not have fancy HBO at school, so I can't watch the episode. And I could use sketchy back alley methods to watch it, but it is too special to watch when it is all grainy and has creeper ads around and japanese subtitles. I am going to wait. Cause they are worth waiting for. I am worth waiting for also. That was written on a bracelet I got at a church program one time. But anyway, after I see this episode all I have to do is visit Hogwarts and Charlie's Chocolate Factory, and then I can lay my head down and die in a state of unearthly bliss. 

Your Nightly Lolcat

LET MY PEOPLE EAT SOY!

Guys, I need to share a secret with you. I suffer from a debilitating chronic disease. I have lived a very full life and I will not try and cheat death. I am lactose intolerant. AND I AM NOT ASHAMED! Now I know some of you are saying "EW, LACTOES INTOLERENCE IS 4 LOOSERS." Well you know what? A bunch of beautiful celebrities are lactose intolerant. Orlando Bloom, Victoria Beckham, Jessica Alba, Jerry Seinfeld, Halle Berry, and Hayden Panettiere. WE ARE STRONG! NO ONE CAN TELL US WE ARE WRONG! SEARCHING OUR HEART FOR SO LONG....BOTH OF US KNOW IT. LOVE IS A BATTLE FIELD. 

Ed.Note- I take back being proud of Hayden Panettiere being lactose intolerant. You know why? She was in the GOT MILK? campaign. Excuse me? Way to turn your back on your people. SOY MILK HAS JUST AS MUCH CALCIUM AS MILK!! I am so disappointed. She is stupid, and I bet Edward Cullen would kick her butt in an invincible fight. 

Happy Almost Valentines Day! Here's A Nightly LOLcat.

So I know what you guys are thinking. You are looking at this, and my last post, and say "Huh, it seems like Andrea doesn't do any work on her blog anymore, she just posts amusing things that she finds on the interwebs." FALSE. I put a lot of work into this blog, but lately I have been busy handcrafting one-of-a-kind valentines for all of my closest friends. And signing my name on all of the wall-e ones I am giving to my not friends. SO GIVE ME A BREAK, OKAY?? I just wish you guys could walk a moon in my moccasins and understand the severe pressures that are put upon me as a blogger. But anyway, goodnight, and have a nice v-day. 

COME OUT NOW! PLZ.

My Biffle Has A New Show. WATCH IT.

So as you guys know, I have no problem giving shout-outs to my close friends on my blog. So I thought I would tell you guys to watch my BFF's new show, Important Things With Demetri Martin, Wednesdays at 10:30 on Comedy Central. What's that you say? "Andrea, you are a big fat liar and are not biffles with Demetri Martin." Uh, SHUT YO FACE. Demetri and I met on the set of a film we worked on together, Taking Woodstock (comes out August 16th!). Demetri and I used to hang out in the SAG tent with the catered food and live band. We would talk about what a douche Emile Hirsch was. Anyway, I gave Demetri most of the material for his new show, so you know it's going to be good. And I just want you guys to support my friend, so he can get more famous and get nominated for an Oscar and bring me as his date. That will be all.

HOT OFF THE PRESS: C-Bale Song Update

UPDATE:(4:27 PM) I am now finding this song very annoying. Be careful, I hope you don't follow my path. I haven't seen my friends or eaten (okay, that one's a lie) for days, but I can recite this song backwards and forwards.

So guys, I have a problem and I feel comfortable sharing it with you. My name is Andrea, and I am addicted to this Christian Bale Remix. I mentioned it in my c-bale post, but I can't stop thinking about it. It has consumed me over the past few days. I have become physically unable to go a few hours without listening to it. I like how they make all the jokes and references to C-Bale's other movies, and I think it is legitimately a catchy and enjoyable song. If I were a DJ, I would put this song on repeat in the clubs. Am I crazy? 

Science, Why Did You Not Make Me Zooey Deschanel?

So yesterday one of my favorite people in the world reminded me of how awesome they are and how sub-par I am in comparison. Zooey Deschanel was the most wonderful thing at The Grammys, and she is engaged to Ben Gibbard from Death Cab! Isn't that the most adorable thing you have ever heard? I just imagine them singing cute indie ballads to each other all the time. Love of mine...sweet darling, come hold me...got to spend some time, love, got to spend some time with me....saw your face, my hand you took, just like in a storybook- and you got me. Yeah, maybe that's what I dream about. Got a problem? 

Grammy-Wammys

So The Grammys were pretty entertaining, even though they were as long as the 3rd LOTR Extended Edition. Coldplay was wonderful, as was the performance of "Swagga Like Us." M.I.A. was a preggers BAMF. Paul McCartney sang "I Saw Her Standing There", which was just insanely fantastic, and Zooey Deschanel introduced those old people that I don't know who won best album. My evening is complete. Totally worth not finishing my homework. DON'T JUDGE ME, I DO IT ALL FOR YOU GUYS!

Christian, I Forgive You, Because I Am A Good Christian.

So all of this angry Christian Bale tirade business caused me to have a roller coaster of emotions. First I was upset, then I felt guilty for judging him, and now it just seems silly, and I feel like watching all of his movies again. Like 3:10 to Yuma. And Batman Begins. And Rescue Dawn. And Pocahontas. I wish they had those on Netflix instant play. Sometimes I just dream too big. On a related note, it may be an issue just how much I am enjoying the dance remixes of him yelling. 

Betch, Where's Hermione and Luna Lovegood?

Ch-ch-ch-check it out guys! Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince posters. I notice they didn't put RATED PG on the poster, probably because they weren't in the mood to rub salt in my still fresh wound. So I don't really care what the posters look like, but sometimes I can find myself getting caught up in all that mugglenet business, like "OMGZ WHI ISN'T DUMBLYDORES HAND DED? WARNER BRAWTERS IZ EVEL!" Anyways I am just praying that the movie is halfway decent. They took all this EXTRA TIME, so it should be oscar-caliber according to my scientific findings. The time taken to make a movie is directly correlated to the quality of said movie. BAM.

Your Nightly Promiscuous LOLcat

Sleep well, and next to someone who's last name you know.

Stephen Colbert, I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Stephen Verbally Thrashes Steve Martin

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Paul McCartney Appearance

Funny Political Videos
More Funny Videos

I LOVE Sharapova (Tennis Joke! Get it?)

So Maria Sharapova has dropped out of like five tennis matches because of her busted up shoulder. And I feel a little upset by this. What's that you say? "Andrea, you have never in your life shown an interest in sports, why the heck do you care?" Well, I will tell you. I was on my high school tennis team (I actually never mastered the ability to serve) my younger sister's name is Maria, I purchased a Canon Powershot camera, and Maria Sharapova is HAWT. This is almost as heart breaking as when Michelle Kwan couldn't perform at the Olympics. Anyway, I also have a passionate hatred for Anna Kournikova for some reason, so I just want Maria Sharapova to get herself together and go back to kicking her butt. 

Cookie-Z

 As all of you highly dedicated fans are aware, I enjoy cookies and the occasional rap song. So imagine my joy when I discovered this video of cookie monster singing 99 problems. I myself enjoy rapping this song, and only a few very special people have had the pleasure of that experience.  On an unrelated note, guess who just learned how to embed a video? 

Candyland? I Want To Go To There.

So guys, I have exciting news. CANDYLAND IS BEING MADE INTO A MOVIE! It's going to be wonderful, because the director did Tarzan and Enchanted. IT WILL BE THE BEST CANDY MOVIE THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN! After Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, of course. That goes without saying. The only thing I am concerned about is what kind of plot they will think up for this. As long as they keep Princess Lolly in, I'm cool.  And I am also excited at the prospect of lots of new board game movies. Chutes and ladders! Taboo! Monopoly! Jumanji! What's that you say? Someone already made Jumanji? GEEZ, AREN'T THERE ANY ORIGINAL IDEAS OUT THERE ANYMORE? YOU HAVE TO STEAL STUFF FROM MAH BLOG?

I Was A Girl Scout. That's Why I Am Always So Prepared.

Have you guys heard about the new girl scout cookie controversy? No? OH SNAP. So apparently, even though like 20 gajillion girl scout cookies are purchased every year (a high percentage find their way to my stomach) most of them are sold by the parents of the lazy kids, who guilt the people in their office to spending big bucks on thin mints ($4 a box, WTF?). Now I know that goes against the Girl Scout Code, but if you ask me, there are much more pressing issues at hand in this business. Girl Scout Cookies need to stop playing hard-to-get and increase their availability! I don't have a supplier, so I have to beg my friends with the hook-up for just a few of theirs. To get my fix. Why should I have to feel like I am scrounging to find a drug dealer in a back alley? JUST SELL YOUR COOKIES IN GROCERY STORES, YOU EVIL MONEY HUNGRY CORPORATION! 

Who Gives a F**k About An Oxford Comma?

So guess who's English Language and Grammar class helped them figure out what the heck Vampire Weekend is singing about? ANGIE! That's me, btw. So I just want to say that I love learning, music, and edward cullen's fave band (See what I did there?).

Super Bowl Round-Up-ish.

So I watched The Office last night, and I just wanted to say that I think all their fancy guest star business was unnecessary. The Office should to stick to what they do best. Dwight, and Jim and Pam being adorable. Which they had, and was wonderful, so if they had just omitted Jack Black and Cloris Leachman macking on each other, we would be cool. But on a side note, my slight anger at The Office is overrun with my utter and complete insane joy at the prospect of Jon Hamm on 30 Rock. I want to go to there. I may just have to do live blogging for that occasion. Scratch that, I will be way too excited to form cohesive sentences. 

A picture from this year's Puppy Bowl. Schroeder took a nap on the field. And my heart exploded from adorableness overexposure.