Okay so I just discovered that today was National Croissant Day. WTF, WINNIE THE POOH CALENDAR? YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THIS! This morning, I could have gone to the cafe and gotten a fresh croissant and hot chocolate, and have a wonderful european breakfast. On the one day of the year for croissant. So it would have tasted extra delicious. This makes me bitter inside.
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So guess what guys? Jellyfish are taking over. What's that you say? "But Andrea, all jellyfish do is get stuck between your fingers when you go swimming in the ocean, and they sting a little, but they are totally harmless. And on Spongebob they go to parties and eat Krabby Patties! They are harmless and wonderful!" WRONG. These jellyfish have caught on to the recent Twilight craze, and have decided to become immortal and rule the world. So welcome to a world where we are only allowed to eat jelly, and we have to live underwater (get out your gillyweed, people), and we get zapped when we disobey. And we will be forced to call the jellyfish the Cullens. DOES THAT SOUND LIKE A NICE WORLD TO YOU?? THERE PROBABLY WOULDN'T BE ANY AWARD SHOWS, AND MERCUTIO CAN'T LIVE UNDERWATER, HE'S A HARE! So I don't know what to do guys, except for hope for the best. And get out my peanut butter (it is like kryptonite for jellyfish).
So, I hear your complaints. "ANDREA, UZ HASN'T BEN POSTIN LATLY, WE MISSS UR INSITES." I apologize, but classes have just started, and although this will probably at times serve as an excellent mode for procrastination, I want to get the semester off to a good start. So you may notice a decrease in my posting frequency, but it is all for the best. Think how exciting my posts will get when I graduate and get an exciting job! So hold tight, peeps. I love you all.
So guys, SAG awards? I was surprised that Meryl Streep won for Best Actress, but I was glad, cause even though I loove me some Winslet, she is crap at making speeches. So Brangelina did talk to E!, but they each did separate interviews and talked with Giuliana DePandi (who is the WORST. Her questions were all like 'So Brad, do you still think Angie is pretty?' and Brad being like 'Shut your stupid face before I sew your mouth closed using only the power of my extreme handsomeness.') And I am positive that Seacrest wasn't on the red carpet because Brangelina said they wouldn't talk to him. Brangelina has so much power, it is frightening. I am sure that in a few days, Seacrest will end up completely jobless. You will see a metrosexual homeless man, clutching a sign that reads "BRANGELINA RUINED MY LIFE. WILL WORK FOR HAIR PRODUCTS." Throw him some spare change, that poor little guy. I can see the future (Alice taught me), and BRANGELINA WILL DESTROY HIM.
I want to apologize profusely for misinforming you all, I have realized after calling Mercutio a bunny, he is actually a Hare, and Bunnies and Hares are supposedly very different animals. I also will admit that I knew Mercutio was called a Hare, but I just thought that was another name for bunny. SHAME ON MY IGNORANCE. I usually would have just gone back and edited the post and hoped no one noticied, but this is for Mercutio. He probably thought I was being racist, or speciesist, so I just want to apologize. I will love you forever, Mercutio. To cheer you up I will tell the story of your most famous ancestor, the story of The Hare and The Tortoise. (shhhhh, it's my edited version. Mercutio can't know that the Hare actually loses.)
I want you all to meet my new best friend, Mercutio. That's a picture of him on the top. I bought him at a toy store in Amherst, and it is definitely my best purchase yet. I already have a mug with him on it, but now I have him as the softest and most wonderful stuffed bunny, with poseable arms and ears. He was the perfect companion during Revolutionary Road, because it was super intense and unhappy, it was good to have something to squeeze and comfort me. I suggest this method to anyone who is going to one of those upsetting movies that are out now, for example: revolutionary road, milk, benjamin button, and paul blart:mall cop.
So as everyone knows, Revolutionary Road is supposed to be the movie that finally brings what we have all been dreaming of. Leo and Kate's reunion on screen. Well, I went and saw it today, and it was FANTASTIC, but I have something to say about it. Why was it not advertised that Kathy Bates would be a part of this reunion spectacular? As I remember, she was ALSO in Titanic. Some may say they just wanted it to be a wonderful surprise, but I'm not buying it. What, does Kathy Bates not have enough sex appeal to be mentioned? She is HAWT for an old lady, okay? I am upset with you, media. Watch yo back.
This post is super sketch bomb creepy. But that's just who I am. Embrace it. I dream of being Emma Watson. Not only is she adorable and she gets to star in the most magical story of all time, she is also super smart. She is applying to like Yale and Harvard and Brown. What a coincidence! I am applying to transfer to all of those places. How funny. And I have already specified in my housing forms that I would prefer a rich famous British roommate who has starred in the Harry Potter films. And has stolen my heart.
Okay guys, so, Oscar Nominations. I am feeling a little upset. What's that you say? "Andrea, have you seen all of the films from this year that were in Oscar contention?" Oh, I'm sorry, I can't hear you, cause this is MAH BLOG. Anyway, although I may not have seen Gran Torino or Revolutionary Road, I still think my emotional response to their snubbing is valid. I mean, how good do the trailers for Revolutionary Road look? And it is basically TITANIC 2. So according to my math, it should get twice the amount of nominations that Titanic 1 got. So, WTF Oscars? Can't you do simple math? 13 times 2 = 26 nominations. Also, I am apprehensive about their hosting choice. I know Hugh Jackman is hunky, and I love X-Men, but Australia kind of stunk, and he's not funny. I don't really see the point in a not funny Oscar host, you have to make all the famous people uncomfortable at laughing on camera, cause then it looks like they agree that Jude Law took every project handed to him in 2006, or that Oprah is a ridiculous name. I think that is the best part of the Oscars, so it is time they brought on STEPHEN COLBERT. Pleeeeeease.
Hey guys, I know I haven't posted in a while, but I have been super busy, and I think you guys should be grateful that I am doing things besides just posting on my blog like eighty times a day, because then I would be a loser. And who wants to hear the musings of a loser? Anyway, I have a five page paper due tomorrow, and I am listening to my newly purchased Atonement Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, to help the words flow. It just played the Briony theme, so I want you all to imagine me furiously typing my paper on a typewriter, and you can hear the click of the keys in rhythm with my background music. Just that part though, not me ruining two people's lives and sending a guy to war and then writing that they ended up together and happily ever after and pretending like that counted for something. Good night all, sleep well while I click-clack my keys away.
Okay, so this isn't a real LOLcat, but these jaguars are adorable. I imagine the mom saying to her cub, "U HAZ A DEELISHUS FLAVR. I CAN HAZ IT PLEEZ?" Good night.
So welcome to my new weekly post about a certain food I really enjoy. This weeks' featured item is Le Petit Beurre (please please please, don't ask me to pronounce it. I've spent about twenty minutes at this website but I just can't do it.) Anyway, these are like tea biscuits, and they aren't too sweet, they are just insanely delicious. You can dip them in your tea, or eat them with jelly, or just plain. They are all around wonderful. I know they sound super fancy because their name is hard to pronounce, but I got them at Stop and Shop. But I will probably try to pull one of those Glade commercial acts, where I go "Ohh, these are very exclusive. Made from the finest butter churned by milk maids on farms in the south of France. Did you know that's where Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis live?" But I digress. These biscuits make me really happy, they have pulled me out of the most depressing day in history, so I think they could do the same for you. They are also really pretty, they have nice scalloped edges and say Petit Beurre on them. Happy snacking!
Okay, So I knew about this a while ago, but I just remembered how angry I am about it. Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince, the new Harry Potter movie that just came out this November- wait- I mean that is coming out in JULY, has been rated PG. Now if you all aren't as diligent HP fans as myself, let me remind you. The last two Harry Potter films have been rated PG-13. This made me feel less embarrassed about going to see the midnight premiere of the movie (hey, it's not a children's movie, it's PG-13!) But now, they have to go backwards. I am very concerned, because as I remember, there was a lot of making out and Harry talking about "the monster inside of him" in the Half Blood Prince Book. What's going to happen in the PG HBP? Will Ron and Lavender just hold hands instead of sucking face? Will Snape just give Dumbledore a high five instead of killing him? I want Half Blood Prince to be the MOST AWESOME HARRY POTTER YET, BECAUSE THEY HAVE MADE US WAIT SO DAMN LONG. Maybe I shouldn't judge yet, because I just remembered that my favorite Harry Potter movie, Prisoner of Azkaban, was rated PG. So I am just going to hope and pray.
Anyone else feeling kind of depressed? Yeah, me too. So just I was feeling all alone in the universe, I was browsing the internet and came upon this article. Oh, so IT'S THE MOST DEPRESSING DAY IN HISTORY? Awesome. So I suggest just going back to bed until tomorrow comes, which will be the MOST WONDERFUL DAY IN HISTORY. Try not to throw yourselves off any bridges today, dear readers. If you are really feeling down, I would suggest watching Flight of The Conchords, which premiered with their second season last night, and is the like best show ever. And I put their picture up because I didn't want to bring you all down with an emo kid or something.
So sometimes I like to pretend that Freddie Highmore is my child, because he is so adorable in Finding Neverland. So I was just watching that movie the other day, and I decided to google image search him, to see what he was up to with his adorableness. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that he GREW UP. PETER PAN ISN'T SUPPOSED TO GROW UP, THAT'S A RULE OF NEVERLAND. But Andrea, you say, that was only a movie, Neverland isn't real. I say, STOP KILLING MY DREAMS. Anyway, if Neverland didn't work out for him, he could have just gotten Edward Cullen to bite him at the height of his cuteness. This is especially distressing to me because I named my blog Charlie's Chocolate Factory, and even though I had the book in mind, he played Charlie. What am I supposed to do now? Anyway, I posted an old picture of him, instead of the gross new ones I found, because I would rather relive his glory days than be reminded of what he has become. And his last movie was The Spiderwick Chronicles. WHERE DID I GO WRONG IN RAISING MY IMAGINARY SON???????
Watch Summer Heights High. My younger sister couldn't figure out that one guy was playing the three main characters, and kept being like "Why is that girl so ugly? She looks like a dude."
So I know you were all just waiting on baited breath for a post about Colbert, and I think today is the day. So, he is my hero. It is my life dream and goal to be an intern on the Colbert Report. I understand I may have to pretend to be interested in going into TV production or something to land it, but I would lie for Colbert. I would also lie WITH Colbert. OH SNAP. Also, I really enjoyed the Colbert Christmas Special, and I was like "OMG I should buy the album on iTunes." But then when I went to buy it, I also happened to be watching True Life: I'm Addicted to Shopping, so I of course couldn't buy it without feeling extensively guilty. I also have dreamt that I met Stephen Colbert about four different times, so I like to think that many times counts as actually meeting him. He is really nice and funny and beautiful in person. Basically I have nothing of substance to say in this post, except for that I, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE COLBERT (whitney houston style, you know)
So, I heard of some very distressing news today. Love of my life, Bear Grylls, apparently has a family. And it's not with me. WTF, BEAR GRYLLS? YOU TOLD ME WE WERE GOING TO RUN OFF AND SURVIVE IN THE AMAZON TOGETHER. Apparently he is married to someone named Shara, and has two kids, and another one was just born today. That means they had sex. WTF, BEAR GRYLLS? YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE SAVING YOURSELF FOR ME. And guess what they named their new son? Huckleberry. WTF, BEAR GRYLLS? YOU TOLD ME YOU DIDN'T TOTALLY SUCK AT NAMING KIDS. OH WAIT, MAYBE YOU JUST TOLD ME YOU KNEW HOW TO GET SUNSCREEN OUT OF A SEA ANENOME. So if Bear Grylls had married me, we would have wonderful children, with good names like Oliver, Charlie, and Peter. So, WTF, BEAR GRYLLS? I hope you are glad that you have ruined your life.
So, I caved. I have not told you guys about the intense inner battle that has been going on between my wallet and my excessively dry lips for the past few days. See, I lost my chapstick. This has forced me to a level of desperation that I hope I never have to visit again. Now I hear you asking "Andrea, this is silly, why didn't you just buy new chapstick?" Well faithful readers, every time I think I am absolutely chapsitckless, I buy a new chapstick, and then I find my old perfectly good one within an hour. So this time I was going to hold out until my old chapstick resurfaced. But I just couldn't take it any longer this morning, and I bought a new chapstick along with my earl grey tea and Irish soda bread scone (which is DELICIOUS, by the way. I feel like it is St.Patrick's day and my mom just took this out of the oven for me). 
So I just watched Milk, and after excessively sobbing, I have decided my new life goal is to be a gay man in the 70's. What? Did I hear you saying "Andrea, that's impossible!" No? No, you're right I didn't. Cause anyone who would say that doesn't deserve the privilege of reading my blog. Anyway, according to Milk, gay men had more fun than anyone else in the world. And they are all so HAWT! I mean, James Franco and Emile Hirsch? WHEW. But yeah, I want to just go to all these super fun celebration parties, with the giant cakes, and drag queens singing, and everyone dancing and making out. Um, sounds like THE LIFE. I mean, minus all that being denied human rights and getting beat to death business. But apparently it is really easy to get a boyfriend. All you have to do is see a cute guy on the subway, say "It's my Birthday!" and then kiss him. DONE.
I just thought I would let you all know, I just wrote a really long insightful post about the good and bad effects gummy bears and other gummy shapes have had on my life, and it was really mind blowing, but then it got deleted and is gone forever. So maybe another day I will return to this topic, but right now the wound is too fresh. And that chandelier is made entirely of gummy bears.
So finallllly, Netflix is offering their instant play movies for Macs. Sure, it may be that Netflix actually began their instant play for Macs in December, but I just discovered it. So, FINALLY. And I have already added about 18 things to my instant play queue. And before Netflix offered me instant play, I had to spend my time with these people around me that everyone insists on calling "friends". And I have finally realized that these relationships are total wastes of my time. So good-bye, mankind, I don't need you, I have movies. And complete TV seasons. BOO-YAH.
So I know some of you made New Year's resolutions, because you were pressured by your friends and families. I think they are probably all going about this well.
So everyone in the world should know they are not good enough for the perfection that is Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, but some have had trouble coming to terms with this. One of those people would be Ryan Seacrest. So Brangelina put him in his place and totally ignored him and refused an interview. Seacrest bad-mouthed Angelina last year. Doesn't he know that if you speak against a goddess, you will be struck down? AKA, you will not receive your MOST IMPORTANT red carpet interview. And this week I think Angelina has just become fed up with all these ugly mortals, and is now officially going all "Listen, I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, and you scum need to respect that." You all remember the stink eye she gave Anne Hathaway at the Critic's Choice Awards? So this is the point: we should be worshipping Brangelina, not attempting to speak to them or giving their rightful awards to former Princesses of Genovia and washed-up Mad-Eye Moody faces. Angelina is a beautiful Goddess, but beware of her mighty wrath. If you've read any Mythology, you'll know. The prettiest ones are the scariest.
So are you thinking, I am just not getting enough Andrea in my life? Well I have the answer for you. You can follow me on twitter! All the cool kids are doing it.
This is of course old news. I know all you guys heard about Beedle The Bard because you are all such big Harry Potter fans and also possibly because I talk about it all the time. So even though it may technically be a children's book, cause it has like four words per page, it is still wonderful. Because it has commentary by Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore (yeah, maybe I wikipediaed that, maybe I didn't). So I think you all should read it. And all the profits go to The Children's High Level Group, cause J.K. Rowling is pretty beautiful dirty rich. Also, I titled this post "HARRY POTTER BOOK 8!!!" jk. What, JK Rowling? Yeah, you wrote the Harry Potter series and you're a billionaire. Good job, we know. But as I was saying, Harry Potter Book 8- jk. What now, JK Rowling? I know, you are giving all your proceeds to charity, because you used to have no money, blah blah blah. So Harry Potter Book 8, obviously, jk. No, JK Rowling, I'm not talking to you. Jk stands for just kidding. How egocentric can you be?
So today the comments and e-mails have been pouring in, and it all goes something like this: "OMGZ ANDREA WE WANTS YO 2 DO FASHUN POLECE 4 DA WURST DRESD AT TEH GOLDIN GLOBEZ PLZ WE LUV U." Now I know that everyone loves to read worst dressed articles, especially the witty puns on the work an actress has done, which they use to criticize their clothing. Like "Cate Blanchett and the Curious Case of a Bad Outfit." or "Scarlett Johansson's Dress is Lost in Translation." or "I Doubt that Meryl Streep has a good stylist!" and those are just off the top of my head. I could do this all day. But I won't, because even though I always watch the Fashion Police, they are mean and I will not participate in their cattiness. No thank you. So save your tears, loyal fans, and think of the wonderful afterlife I plan on achieving. Cause I am a frickin SAINT. And I love cate blanchett's dress. 
So Neil Patrick Harris hosted SNL last night, and I have to say his monologue was pretty hilarious. And also the sketch where he played that obnoxious guy from Rent (who is actually my favorite character, but I digress). But anyway, my favorite part of the monologue was most definitely when Andy Samberg returned as Mark Wahlberg. And it now hits even closer to home because a week ago I watched the first three complete seasons of Entourage in two days. And Mark Wahlberg produces Entourage! What's that about? Say hello to your mother for me.
